Your Relationship Isn’t What You Think It Is
Do you know what it’s like to be in a relationship with you? Have you ever even thought about it? Do you have any idea what dating you is like for the other person? None of us can read minds, of course, but do you know — in your heart of hearts — what dating you is like for the other person?
On 14th February 2020, my then-boyfriend ruined yet another meal. It was Valentine’s Day and since I was employed and he was not, I had offered to pay the bill — a treat on me. Half-way through one of the loveliest meals I’ve ever had in my life, out-of-nowhere he started berating me for sending him an article he disagreed with earlier in the week.
For ten minutes, I endured this mean-spirited tirade even though I couldn’t remember which article it was. He failed to produce it on his phone when I requested it and even he couldn’t remember exactly what it said. All he knew was, he had objected to me sending it to him.
It was then I knew our six month relationship was over. I realised in that moment that I would never be able to safely have a meal with this person again. I would always be a moment away from yet another one of his bad faith, unhinged rants about something I failed to do or something I had failed to be. I had paid around £250 to be humiliated in public on Valentine’s Day.
Three days later I broke up with him. I had wanted to break free from him for months but each time he manipulated me back into the relationship. Instead of seperating from him, I usually ended up placating him and apologising for the wrongs I had supposedly done to him. In retrospect, the reason I had delayed breaking up with him for good was because deep down I knew how awful it would be.
And it was.
In my ex-boyfriend’s final diatribe he told me that I was so unrealistic and undesirable that I would inevitably have to use a sperm donor to become pregnant as no man would want to willingly marry and start a family with me. Charming! Oh, and that I would never find another man like him and regret the day I finished with him. Of course…