Look At Me Now
There are very few downsides to maturity. I have enjoyed getting older more than I thought I would. I am genuinely happier now than I was in my maladjusted, misspent youth.
Except for this one thing…
I feel complete and utter embarrassment I feel over the person I once was. I have basically had to come to terms with the fact that I was an anarchic sh*tlord. I see political activists now who behave like I once did and I cringe.
My political views haven’t changed since I was in my early twenties. What has changed is the way I interact with the world, the way I express myself, and the lenses through which I choose to view my fellow humankind.
I liked myself then — and I like myself now — but the person I am now doesn’t like the person I was then. I didn’t cause anyone or anything any permanent damage, I was just so brash, so unpleasant and so, so angry.
There is no way to make amends. There is nothing really to make amends for. I wasn’t the only immature twenty-something. It is enough to have entirely changed one’s behaviour. It doesn’t feel like it. But it is.
In this new age of offence archaeology, anyone could be the victim of the next great shame storm — but if a person has changed their mind, grown, matured, recanted, and/or apologised for past transgressions they should be forgiven.
If a person has radically changed their behaviour for the better — doubly so!
Don’t look at me then; look at me now.
Thank you for reading — I hope you found my thoughts interesting. You can find links to my other work here: https://linktr.ee/sayde.scarlett
